Expectations

I have never been so excited to be 12 weeks pregnant! I realize having never been 12 weeks pregnant before this a bit of a stupid comment. But the fact is there were several times during this pregnancy that I thought we would never make it to 12 weeks or we wouldn't make it with both babies.

One thing I have realize is that my expectations of pregnancy are ridiculous. Well maybe ridiculous is not the right word. What I thought would happen and what is actually happening aren't lining up as nicely as I would have like.

Fortunately, I am slowly learning to let go of my expectations and go with the flow. Whatever I am going through is only for a finite period of time. This won't go on forever. Honestly, I don't mind if in the end I have 2 happy, healthy, take-home babies in October.

Despite the morning sickenss I am still trying to get as healthy as I can. Trying to remember to take the prenantal vitamins is another issue. I am planning to get into the swimming pool again as soon as my surgery wounds heal but not putting myself at risk for preterm labour. I know how important it is for me to take it easy on the weekends and at night because I am really determined to work until August.

Most important of all I AM going to do whatever it takes to keep my babies in until at least 36 weeks. What that might entail honestly scares the shit out of me! I am still afraid I am going to jinx myself. Somehow I constantly come across horrible stories of people losing their baby(ies) at 16-24 weeks along.

I will admit I am still afraid to buy anything (gender issues aside) or even open the door to their room. I was sooo excited to tell the world about them but now I keep feeling like we need to hold off. Somehow 20 weeks is looking really good right now. It won't happen but I will delay as long as possible.

So those are my random thoughts on pregnancy this morning while I lay wide awake watching the cat clean himself.