Happy Halloween

First and foremost I deeply apologize to anyone that tried to read the last post before today. I can't believe the grammar! Seriously shouldn't be allowed to teach small children. Anywho, it has been edited now and there are no longer parts of sentences completely missing.

Next, did anyone else know there was a 5:00 am? Pretty sure only the insane and my cat are awake then. But that is the price I had to pay to be at the doctor's office on time this morning. As a result I am sure tonight's post will be filled with plenty of grammatical errors.

My appointment went well. The scan showed that my eggs are developing but nothing worth measuring yet. Apparently they are familiar with slow and steady wins the race. Leith increased the Puregon to 75 IU to encourage them. Sadly the next appointment is on even earlier on Thursday.

Hope you had a safe and wonderful Halloween!

Loserville the Stop Before Crazy Town

Well, I have reached the weekly finish line...IT'S FRIDAY!!!! And for the record I am friggin' exhausted. In fact it's about 7:15 and I'm thinking jammies and my bed are looking pretty darn awesome right now. In my twisted mind I am trying to spin going to bed early as a good thing because we have quite the laundry list of housework planned. I could almost swear that my bedroom is starting to smell like the boys floor of the dorm. Now I have no idea where the smell is coming from but it can go now thank you very much.

So I lost my tiny mind BIG TIME!! Most likely will require ACTUAL therapy and I completely blame Simon. It all started yesterday when I got home from work. I had just gone to the grocery store and was laden down with bags. I bee lined to the kitchen to put them down when I discovered our backdoor was open. I was FURIOUS! I grabbed the phone prepared to call Simon at work and tell him the precious television and surround system had been stolen. I heard a noise but just thought it was our neighbor working on his yard. Then I suddenly saw a shadow coming from the guest bedrooms.

I lost my shit. I ran with the cat to the bedroom and locked myself in. I called Simon and he refused to come home. He told me that he didn't leave the door open but if anyone was in our house that they would have killed me by now. Fabulous! Let me just jot that down and send it in to Hallmark or perhaps write it in next year's anniversary card. I was crying by that point and I seriously didn't know what to do.

Now here is the truly insane part. I haven't vacuumed in a over a week. So I really didn't want to call the police. News headline at 6 reads woman found dead in her bedroom and the carpets weren't vacuumed. I didn't know who I could call to come and save me since my husband wouldn't. I called Simon back but he suggested I go get our neighbor. Yeah he can't see the unvacuumed house either. Simon found this wildly amusing regardless of his sobbing wife. I convinced him to call his dad to come over and check.

I spent next 15 minutes hiding under the covers with the cat and scissors. Simon's dad came to my rescue me by checking all the rooms and closets for me. Of course he found nothing but I prefer to be safer than dead in this case.

Well, it's about time to go shoot up. I have my first monitoring appointment on Monday. I am very worried that my ovaries aren't coming to the party.

I need a ticket for the injection short bus

The injections are not going well. I didn't feel it going in but I felt it coming out and I had a little blood at the injection site. I will definitely have to call Leith and find out what the heck is going on. Perhaps I just suck. I really hope this is inspiring my little egg to grow.

I am too tired to write anything else.

An open letter to those that live in my vicinity...

Dear Residents,

I wake up at 6:00 am to be on the road by 7:00 am because if I leave closer to the time of 8:00 am it takes an insane amount of time to get to work. I do not enjoy driving to work at the top breakneck speeds of 30 kph. Therefore, all of you other people who are NOW trying to avoid the traffic and thought you might like to drive to work at 7:00 am...YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED. If you would like a wonderful alternative route to work, I have the perfect scenic route I can recommend. Thank you for your understanding

Sincerely,

Princess of the Road

P.S. All those who don't comply will have their cars crushed, melted and their legs broken.

On the infertility front, the injection hurt a little more tonight than it did last night. Now I am tired and grumpy so I am going to bed. 6:00 am comes pretty early.

The Eagle Has Landed and You Have Reached Your Destination

I got a phone call from Leith today during lunch time. My hormone levels were pretty low so I was all set to start tonight. I was once again filled with anxiety. It seemed that as 8:00 got closer the more worried I started to feel.

I decided to watch the Puregon Pen DVD just to make sure I was good to go. 15 minutes later I was on the verge of tears. They show the lady inject herself like 10 different times. Each time I saw that needle go in I felt less and less confident that I could do that to myself. I would almost rather stick my hand up a turkey's kester and pull out the giblets. I was so worried that I would mess up the 5 easy to follow shoot 'em up steps.

P.S. this is not me but some one from the internet

I got all my stuff out of bag and set it up just like on the DVD. Then Lucky the Wonder Cat decided to get in on the action and make sure I was doing it right. There is something about him staring at me as I was about to push the needle in. I told Simon to take him and leave the room. I finally managed to do it. WOOT! WOOT! All I can say is that it's 99% painless. I felt the needle going it but didn't hurt. Hopefully, it will go much easier tomorrow night.

I had other infertility news to write about but I am either really sleepy or I have literally lost my tiny mind. So I shall have to write about it tomorrow night or the next.

Since we have moved in the traffic between home and work has gotten worse and worse. I already get up at 6 am so I can leave by 7 am to avoid driving EXTREMELY slow and turning a 20-25 minute drive into a 50 minute drive. So tonight after raining all day and traffic being backed up I decided to take an "alternative" route home. Now before I can go any further in the story I must note that the Australian version of Lassie is Skippy the bush kangaroo.

Someone had told me to take Dr. Gully Rd. So I plugged it in to the Tom Tom and clicked on roads to avoid. It was all going really well until I had to turn off the paved road. I am sure this would not be a problem for other people but a giant problem for me. Mainly because rain and gravel don't mix. Not to mention this road is one lane wide full of hair pin turns and hills. It was almost the start to a horror movie but it wasn't dark.

About 2 miles down the road it dawns on me what a horrible idea this was. Right now I don't have a cell phone and the nearest living being is a field full of kangaroos. And unless Skippy is going to go tell little Timmy that I am stuck in the middle of no where I am SCREWED. So I drove slower than I would have if I had taken the normal paved road home. Luckily I made it home safely but I am definitely never going that way again.

The One Without A Title

We are having a very quiet day at home. Last night we helped our friends celebrate their "90th" birthday. I was really tried before we went but really glad we did. I would have regretted it everyday if I hadn't gone. We spent the night because neither of us was in a shape to get behind the wheel of a car. I am a little afraid to look at the pictures on our camera.

So I am pretty much spend the day relaxing and watching t.v.. Sundays seem to be the worst here. Somehow I spend a lot of my time thinking about having a baby. I am getting a little anxious about tomorrow and finding out the results of the blood test.

I trying to gear up for this next week. It isn't supposed to be too busy but this whole month...heck this whole year is going by way too fast.

How to shoot up in 5 easy steps

Today finally got here! We had our first appointment with Leith our new awesome nurse. She went through the procedures on how to use the Puregon injectable needle thingy. I should probably know what it's called and stop calling it thingy, but thingy is going to have to do for now.

I thought I was totally prepared for the needle part but watching Leith....yeah, maybe not so much. I know Sim will be zero help because he is afraid of needles. It's a good thing we have a DVD to watch on administering the injections. Everyone keeps telling me that its a small needle and it won't hurt. All I can say is we will see.

The other big discussion of the day was when to start. This is apparently slightly complicated due to the fact that I one period that last 87 days or no periods in a year. My favorite part of any appointment is when they ask me when I want to start. I find this highly amusing see that I am at the FERTILITY SPECIALIST and they know we have been trying for 3 years.

Leith decided to draw my blood and do an ultrasound and if everything is on track we can start Monday. Umm no one said anything about an ultra sound today. I seriously thought I was going to learn how to shoot up not doing the no pants ultrasound dance. For the average regular infertile an ultrasound is probably no big deal. Normally it's not a big deal for me either but considering I am coming off an 87 day period let's just say I haven't been a stickler for maintenance of southern hemisphere. Instead of driving an hour home and making another appointment I bit the bullet. I guess this means I shall be shaving my legs more regularly. Who knew mommy was right about making sure you always have on clean undies? But probably not relevant since I took them off.

It appears that everything is in order. Neither ovary has maturing eggs on it and my lining is 6-7 mm. Now at this stage of infertilest I have zero knowledge if this is good. She said it was but surprising because of how long I was bleeding for. Now we just have to wait until Monday morning to get the results of the blood test to see if we can start. I got to bring home my goody bag of medication and needles just in case we get to start on Monday.

I am feeling a crazy mix of emotions between scared and excited, but I am pretty sure they are all good.

What goes up must come down?

I am not sure how to begin to organize everything I have been wanting to say. The past few days have been awesome and not awesome. I guess I should start with the awesome.

On Thursday, I drove to my friend Katie's house and saw her baby girl. I loved getting to catch up with her. I didn't realize how much I missed my friend. Her little girl is beyond adorable. She has the cutest little cheeks and chubby baby thighs. I love me some chubby baby thighs! Katie gave me lots and lots of baby holding and cuddling time. It is soooooo weird that she has a baby. In fact it is sooo weird that all my friends are parents. We (because Katie agrees!) that we don't feel old enough to be parents.

It definitely made me want my own chubby baby thighs but at the same time it was nice not to be the person up at 3:30 and falling asleep on the couch at 7 pm.

On Saturday I got to cross some things off my Fall Bucket List. My dad and brother went to the local corn maze. My mom stayed home and cooked "fakesgiving"(fake thanksgiving). It was surprising more fun than I was thinking it would be. In fact because my back was hurting I almost said let's stay home. I am so glad we didn't stay home. Jon suggested we split up because other families were but we stayed together and worked as a team. We walked a little over 2 miles and only got lost a few times. Afterwards we picked out some pumpkins. I got one to carve but I don't know if I will.

Well the craziness is starting to creep back in. I am starting to feel anxious about going back to Australia. I already miss my family and the stores. I feel like there is still a lot of things I want to do here before I go back. My shopping list is longer than my money. I also am starting to panic about how I am going to get everything back. I just feel like I am making a HUGE mistake all over again. But I really, really miss my baby kitty.

Confessions on a Shopaholic

Today was the day I have been waiting a long, long time for. I finally made it to my favorite mall. Yes, I know how pathetic I sound but when I get really homesick I think about shopping there. I wandered through Pottery Barn, PB Kids, Gap, Baby Gap, Coach, Barnes and Noble and many many more. I was all set to spend, spend, SPEND. However, I didn't. I feel a little let down by that. I am pathetic I know, but its a bit like making it to the finals and quitting half way through. I am determined to go again before this trip is up.

I will have a baby!

After feeling very anxious or upset, I finally feel some relief in the infertility game. I had always known that my aunt struggled when having my cousins but today was my first real opportunity to sit down and discuss it with her.

It was amazing because during the whole conversation she never told me to "relax" or go on a vacation and she hung on every word I had to say like it was important. Most likely because she was there and she gets it. She just kept telling me over and over that I will have my own kids. She is really the first person that has ever said that. Everyone usually says something kind but has never sounded as confident or sincere as when she said it.

She also said that I should live my life. I know that sounds a little like duh!!! But she explained how she used to put money in the "baby" account and how they used to work on house. Kinda sounds familiar to me. I was a little like...you regret that?? Apparently she does. She wishes they would have traveled during that time. She suggested that I fit infertility into my life versus running my life around infertility. Totally, easier said that done.

After lunch we went shopping and I totally gave in and bought the gobble, gobble outfit. What was more amazing was I didn't come out with hundreds of dollars worth of baby clothes. That is the first store I am hitting when I finally find out what the hell I am having.

My head hurts

Here is some more random dribble from me...

Today, the momma and I went shopping again. This time we went looking for a grey shower curtain. Apparently much easier said than done. Six stores later we didn't find one. I did find more momma support! Which is kinda a big deal for me. Ages ago when I was trying to kick Simon's butt into "baby" shape we went "shopping" for baby items. One of the items we agreed on was the Chicco Travel System. Well, today I saw it at Burlington Coat Factory. It was kinda fun to push it around and take the carseat in and out of the stroller part. It was also nice to show my mom and get her approval. At Kohl's we have seen a super cute Thanksgiving outfit twice now.

I am in love with the the turkey on the butt!!!! I also think this is a unisex outfit so it doesn't matter if I have a boy or a girl. It is taking all my strength and energy NOT to go back and buy. it.

So tonight I thought I would spend my time on infertility blogs. Normally, I feel awesome afterwards. There is something about knowing you aren't alone in all this craziness. Tonight I don't know what the hell to think or even feel. Part of me wants to entitle this one...start a blog and get pregnant faster!!! The other part of me knows that isn't fair.

All emotions aside I visited no less than 15 different blogs tonight and I think only one person is still not pregnant. Firstly, I was filled with some hope for myself and thought how wonderful it was for those women. Some of them had a long list of procedures they have endured. But then I kinda became a little bitter. Isn't anyone where I am at in this crazy ride? I'm sure there are others out there I just didn't find them tonight.

I am starting to panic about going back to Australia. I know something is missing from me when I am there. And unfortunately no amount of shopping is going to fix that. At least that is what I am coming to realize. Maybe the only way I can truly hold it together is in the states?

Knocked Up..the movie...not me

Being infertile has really changed my perspective on life. When I was in high school I wasn't sexually active for a whole host of reasons. Mainly because if something happened I knew I wasn't prepared to take care of a baby. In fact I was in favor of abortions because I didn't think teenagers should be raising babies because let's face it they aren't generally well equipped to do so.

Even as a young adult I had a few pregnancy scares due to missing periods. Well, we know now that it was PCOS rearing its ugly head and being pregnant couldn't be farther from the truth. But even then I was still worried about being able to raise a child or having to raise a child with the father. If I remember correctly in one situation I was going to have an abortion if it turned out I was pregnant.

Fast forward some more years and if I knew then that I was going to be infertile now I probably would have started having babies in high school. Okay, that would be over exaggeration. But thinking back on the situation I wonder how I would have felt if I had gotten pregnant and had an abortion. What if I never got pregnant again? How would I have felt? I am very lucky to never have that regret.

But it does bring up a pretty important value/belief. Where do I stand on abortions now? Well, let's look at the "evidence". Exhibit A: popular tv shows such as Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant etc.. Exhibit B: popular movies such as Knocked Up and Juno. Exhibit C: My close friends. When I add everything together I think my perspective has changed some.

The biggest change is that abortion certainly isn't for me. Even if I wasn't infertile I don't think I could end a pregnancy unless their was a serious medical concern or it was my 11th child. But chances are if I was worried about more than 5 children I would be preventing pregnancy instead. MOST IMPORTANTLY I still believe everyone should have the right to chose for themselves and that right shouldn't be taken away.

In other fun realizations, I am starting to get that baby obsession feeling again. Where it basically plagues my entire existence and I feel like high five-ing pregnant women in the face with a chair. I guess I just feel like I am going no where. I have an appointment in 21 days to be exact to official start IUI. It's just that hurry up and wait feeling like when we were waiting for the police checks. I wonder if visiting Baby Gap will help? I guessing not but I am sure Pottery Barn Kids would help.

Now for the cuteness that is making my heart melt...

(via Pinterest)

This is also the cutest baby. I really hope I get lucky and have a cute little girl like this one day. I always said to my hubby that I want our babies to have his blue eyes. The accent is pretty cute too (most days).

(via Pinterest)