From the organized mind of me

One of the awesome things about PCOS is that I hardly ever get a period. The "unawesomeness" of PCOS is facial hair. I think of all the things about being infertile I hate the most it is that. I am seriously self conscious! I feel horrific every single time I have to shave. Yep, I shave. It's cheaper than getting waxed and I hate messing with that funky cream. It is the cherry on top of the infertile sundae. The good news I didn't other obsess thinking about babies today...YEA!

And now for something completely different:

Since I was a little girl autumn has been my favorite season. There is something about the air still being a little chilly and the leaves turning beautiful colors. Then there is Halloween (I LOVE PUMPKINS!), Thanksgiving, and Christmas. It's part of the reason I LOVE to come back to the states in September.

So here is my Autumn Bucket List (inspired by Pinterest):

Go on a hay-ride Picture in a leaf pile Eat a caramel apple Corn maze

Go to a pumpkin patch Make cookies Go on a nature walk

Decorate a pumpkin Eat LOTS of pumpkin pie Drink lots of Starbucks

Well, I figured I would get a start on my list by decorating a pumpkin. Painting a plastic pumpkin from Michael's to be exact. I wanted to paint my white pumpkin with an argyle design. I have selected the just right colors for my scheme. I spend WAY too much time meticulously measuring out a diamond pattern. Then masking the pumpkin off to prevent any mishaps. I proceed to paint 3 coats on it leaving it to dry the appropriate amount of time in between. As I finish the last coat I start to peel the tape off and ALL THE PAINT BEGINS TO PEEL OFF! My pumpkin is ruined. My time is completely wasted and I have no pretty pumpkin to show for it. I also wasted the money because I had to throw the pumpkin out.

What is happening to me?!

So more I have no friggin' idea what the hell is going on with me. I was/AM so excited to be back in the States. I have been planning my shopping for MONTHS!!! Now I get in a store and freeze. I suddenly can't remember what I was after. Typically, I can shop for my house and others without a second of hesitation. I generally end up with more for others than I do for myself. The only time I have not had shopping problems is when I went to the bookstore. This problem better correct its self very soon.

Last night completely sealed my insanity! I laid in bed for about 30 minutes trying to figure it out happened and this morning I am still completely confused! So my little red friend is still here and still going strong. In fact I think it's loving its vacation to the northern hemisphere because he just doesn't want to go away. I don't know about anyone else but my friend is nocturnal which I am very secretly happy about because if something embarrassing is going to happen I prefer that to happen at home. Therefore, I am completely freakin' paranoid. I have special sheets I keep on my bed during that time. I put a towel under the sheet between the mattress pad. And I use two lines of defense to prevent anything from happening.

Yeah, over kill I know but I am the kinda girl that likes to be prepared.

Well, that brings me to last night. I got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom as I do during this time. And to my surprise I TOOK NO PRECAUTIONS LAST NIGHT!!! How on earth could that have happened? It's not like I suddenly decided that oh I am just going to be finished with my period. If that was the case I would have stopped it like 7 weeks ago! So then I started to try and think of reasons to explain what could have happened. First theory, ummm did it a take trip north? Am I going to have to be one of those girls that ends up in the emergency room because I put another one in before taking the first one out?! Second theory, did I get up before this and seriously don't remember and completely forgot? Well that seemed a little unlikely. Then I was horrified by the thought that perhaps...it fell out????!!!!!! So then I spent like 3 minutes peeling back blankets and meticulously checking to make sure that nightmare didn't happen. Which it totally didn't! So I have pretty much lost my tiny mind twice now. One because I didn't take precautions and two because I can't figure it out!!!

So now on to other things I don't really want to forget.

I got to have dinner with my aunt, uncle and cousins. I was really excited to see them. We went to Red Lobster for dinner. We always have a great time when we get together. For some weird reason these flies were flying around our table. It was completely annoying. So my cousin Steven killed the first one. About 15 minutes later I killed the next one. Then we started joking Family 2 Flies 0. Then we decided to leave them on the windowsill as a warning to other flies. Right after our dinner arrived so did the third fly! Of course he died too. Then we started joking about sending our dinners back. Waitress, there is a fly in my food....and in mine....and there is a fly in mine, too! I am sure it was one of those you had to be there moments.

My mom and I had a blast shopping yesterday. There are lots of things I want to remember about yesterday. But the moment I think I want to remember the most is the shorts!

So I know the picture is tiny but these are the shorts. The minute I put them on my mom started laughing. She HATES the fabric with a passion. Every time I tried to put a different top on with them to show the versatility and awesomeness of the shorts she laughed harder. In the end I loved them so I bought them. My theory is they are great for work because they look like dressier than regular jeans.

This morning we started sorting through who bought what and she declares that she is taking my shorts back. They are so hideous they have to go back. NOOOOO! They are staying. In fact I told her I was going to wear them everyday and take a picture for her which she could put on her refrigerator. She just laughed and now I have to hide my shorts from her.

It's the moments like this that completely make me doubt my move to Australia. I think I know deep down that it's the best place for us at the moment, but I am starting to wonder if I need to coming back to the states more often. I know Simon would hate me for it. He hates me leaving him at home. In fact I think he plans on doing things that will make me upset to get even. Here is an example...

That bookshelf is not the normal entertainment unit. Sim wanted the tv to be up higher. He has always wanted a surround sound system which have suddenly appeared in the picture!!! NOT HAPPY. I think it looks horrible and ugly. The cutest part of the picture is the little kitty that I SERIOUSLY MISS. Oh well, I guess I will have my work cut out for me when I get home.

I lost my tiny mind

There isn't much to say except last night I was up at 2 am thinking about having babies or more accurately not having babies.

The good, the bad, and the pumpkin spice latte

Today was a beautiful autumn day! These are the days/memories I cling to on bad days. The sun was shining, a mild breeze, and cool enough to not be hot in jeans and warm enough to not need a coat. Perfection!!!

I went to Michael's to get some things for a craft project. I am hoping to actually complete some of the 3 million craft projects I see on pinterest. The best part is I got a dress for the racing spring carnival for $19.99!!!!!!!!!!!!! And it took about 4 minutes to find it. I was so excited I had to do a little happy dance in the dressing room. Then I headed over to Target, because I have an addiction and I needed a few things.

On my way home I decided that really wanted a pumpkin spice latte from Starbucks. Well I am pretty much all about pumpkin anything. I thought the drive thru would be the quickest....it wasn't but that isn't part of today's story and I will be enjoying a free pumpkin spice latte next time. Also I think everyone wanted to go through the drive thru so it was waiting a little while. Next store to Starbucks is an ice cream/frozen yogurt place. It seemed like everyone and their small children were out enjoying friends and ice cream. At first it was cute and I was thinking I can't wait for that. Then it turned ugly. I became jealous because I want that!!!! I really really want that!! Then I became sad. What if I never get that? Yeah I started to lose my tiny mind in a Starbuck's drive thru because I want a baby. But disaster was diverted by a yummy pumpkin spice latte. I am starting to wonder if the US is helping me feel better or worse.

Random thoughts from the ROCKIN' US!

*** Long, boring and mildly infertility related***

YEAAAA! I am in the United States!!!! It feels weird and amazing to be here. I love that I know my way around. I can eat at all my favorite restaurants. I can watch my favorite television shows that aren't 3 months or more behind. There are no words to express my feelings at being able to shop at familiar stores with reasonable prices. It feels weird to do all the things that I used to do when I lived here. It feels like it's been forever since I have had lunch with my mom and then like I never left all at the same time.

Today, my momma and I hit the garage sales. I am sucker for books. Children's books, professional development books, and of course those that I read for enjoyment. As we were driving around all I could think about is the life I had planned out for myself. Since I was little I had a clear dream. I wanted to be a stay at home momma of 2. I wanted a gorgeous house with a massive backyard for my kids to play in. I wanted a loving husband with a great job (so I could stay at home). I wanted to drive around in a Jeep Grand Cherokee, have lunch with friends, and a great wardrobe! To be honest it hasn't changed...just the location...and I am pretty sure I won't be a stay at home momma past the first year...and I don't have children yet.

So anyway as we were driving around all I could really think about is how happy are these people living in these huge gorgeous houses. I wondered how many are worried about someone losing their jobs or even their house. How many are continuing to live above their means to keep up appearances? I know I have spent my fair amount of time on the internet looking at what other people have and being completely jealous. But maybe I am better off? I don't really know. I haven't given up on my dream. Not one little bit. I think it is what drives me forward to continue to earn and work hard to achieve it.

I love being with my momma!!! I don't think I know how much I miss here until I am back here. Just to be able to talk when ever and she is my shoppin' buddy. She is not a massive fan of shopping but she enjoys going with me. The best part is I finally feel her complete support when it comes to infertility. In the past she has always said it doesn't matter if she doesn't have grandchildren (not in a mean way) and how heartbreaking children can be. I know she was trying point out the possible benefits if we didn't end up having children but at one time I actually stopped trying because I didn't feel the support. Well, it's completely different now.

Since being back in the states I just have this feeling that it will happen and soon! I honestly hope this feeling lasts and it doesn't come back to bite me in the uterus! I don't know if I feel that way because my mom is being supportive or just because. I had planned to add to my secret stash of baby stuff but I didn't really want to tell her or my family about it. I started out just kinda secretly looking at baby stuff while we were out but she is completely supportive of me. She even bought me pregnancy tests to bring back to Australia with me (she gets how freaking expensive everything is!)!!

I just want to grow my family so badly. I am very grateful for the things I do have. I have a loving husband. A beautiful house that is on it's way to completion. A (crazy) supportive, loving family. A job I love. Our health. My fabulous baby kitten. Wonderful friends.

A quick pointless update

Why does everything seem better after your house is clean? I am currently snuggled between clean sheets and a down comforter cleaned in the spring sun/breeze and everything suddenly seems right with the world.

I spent today actually achieving things and not wasting my time on the internet in pointless pursuits. Sim and I went to see Horrible Bosses. It's definitely not winning any awards but we laughed a lot which is something we both needed. Then we walked around the shopping centre. It was awesome that he didn't even complain when I walked into stores he normally hates.

As we were waiting at the in line for popcorn, a 7 year old's birthday party came walking past into the theater. Simon started talking about when we had our children and birthday parties. It is a rare glimpse into how he really feels. He doesn't normally talk about things like that. Usually it's me. It's just a confirmation that he wants this as much as I do.

More reasons I am right!

So in some internet surfing I came across this disturbing fact. Facebook is using fake pregnancy statuses to raise awareness of breast cancer. If you just went huh? You aren't alone. Dare I list the stupidity of this in dot point form? I have never been happier to have resisted everyone trying to talk me into getting a facebook account. I am pretty sure that if I had to be inundated with status updates from well meaning individuals (not realizing how stupid they are being) with how far along they are and what they are craving I would slit my wrists. So if anyone reads this and was thinking about posting something up on Facebook, please post something to draw attention to breast cancer and not fake pregnancies.

Infertility updates:

I am craving a baby. BIG TIME!!! MEGA TIME!! I can see that a decent portion of my weekend is going to be taken up in pointless internet surfing. Please God give me the strength.

Insanity updates:

I actually got all the learning plans written for my parent teacher conferences on Monday! I was stupid enough to leave all the teacher's editions at school and can't plan for the 2 weeks I will be away. So I am kinda losing it. I am sure I will be surfing the internet to find ideas. At this rate I won't be packing anything or if I do it will be dirty clothes!

Well everything seems to quiet on the crazy front at the moment. But a lot of that depends on what I can achieve tonight. We have parent teacher conferences on Monday. If can I get everything done tonight and leave it at school ready for Monday than I think I just might get to keep my tiny mind. If I don't well than it will get UGLY! Between getting ready for conferences, stuffing portfolio, spending time with Sim and Lucks before I go to the states, get all the lesson plans/photocopies ready for while I am gone, etc. there are plenty of opportunities to lose it.

On the infertility front...

A's baby shower went off without a hitch. Everyone was impressed and had lots of fun. A was overwhelmed and even cried! It truly did feel amazing to do something like that for her. I wasn't even upset or jealous on the day. Which I feel is a major accomplishment for me and I was very proud of myself.

Today I experienced a very surreal moment. My street ends in a T intersection. As I was coming home tonight the people who live in the house at the intersection were on their way to the car. The man was pulling an small suitcase and rushing to the car as a VERY pregnant woman worked her way down the driveway to the car. It was just so surreal that no one else was around and they were off to have a baby. I just can't describe it but I felt like I was intruding on their moment even though I was in the car.

I think I have procastinated enough and now I should prevent the September 2011 meltdown.

The Crazy Town bus is circling the block.

Today was one of those days. Correction today was a MEGA one of those days.

Simon has a decent head cold. He is coughing and sneezing all over the place.EWWWW! Generally, he goes and sleeps in the other bed if he or I are sick as not to spread the love. Last night he declined. So he spent all FRIGGIN' night coughing, sneezing, snoring. I was not impressed.

1.45 am- Afraid that the bleeding has broken the southern front and I had to pee. On the way back from the bathroom I trip on asshat's (yes that is his new name after last night) work shoes. The result is a broken toe? Well we assume that it is broken but we didn't bother to go to the hospital because its the littlest toe. But Simon wasn't that sympathetic. I cried and spewed words I am not repeating. I hobbled to the kitchen to get the ice pack. Eventually, he showed some concern and got me some Advil for the pain.

2:30- Sleep is eluding me.

4:30- Not time to get up yet.

5:00- The meowing starts.

6:30- Get up and get ready for work. Ohhh someone I don't care about is playing tennis against someone else I could care less about but hey let's put that on instead of the Today show. Who needs weather and traffic?

7:00- I realize that the special chocolate pie dessert Simon brought home from his mother's house last night didn't get put in the fridge. There goes my snack. Oh and it HURTS to walk.

8:00- Get to work and my classroom smells like the toilets because they use the same mop for both. Thanks a heap!! I try to light my awesome Yankee Candle but the wick is too low and I burn myself AND can't light the candle. Liz is supposed to take my class for a period today but I haven't heard from her yet and I am worried that I might have a massive hole in my day. I couldn't find the book I needed for the first lesson. YEA! Today is going to be great!

Good things happened. I was hoping my day was starting to turn around. It was about to take a GIANT dive!

2:00 pm- Concert practice in the theater. The kids are on the stage for the first time. They are not excited to be there and to be honest neither was I.

2:15- My stomach started to feel queasy. Then I started getting cramps. Lay on the floor in the fetal position and cry cramps. Not a possibility with 20 little darlings doing their dance on a stage far far far away from another adult or toilet for that matter.

2:20- Feeling better. Have the stupid delusion that I am in the clear. Continue practicing.

2:25- OH GOOD LORD it's back. MAKE IT STOP!!! This is going to be bad. I felt the gas pain like almost never before. Must squeeze bum together. Can not fart.

2:27- Captain she can't take much more! I sat down and prayed silently. Then it happened. What I thought was going to be a horrible fart turned out to be much much more worse.

2:27:30- Send Daniel to get another teacher. Smile and continue to practicing.

The other teacher eventually came. I explained that I wasn't feeling well and could she watch them for a little bit. For once in my life the never ending period actually benefited me. Thanks to that my undies weren't completely ruined or my pants for that matter. I got myself cleaned up. I actually keep a spare pair of undies my desk because you never know when you will need them.

2:45 pm- I get back to the theater. Thank the teacher and Daniel yells out Mrs. C did you throw up? Yeah, Daniel I did. Then they all became really sweet and telling me they hoped I would be at school tomorrow.

So yeah today pretty much sucked. I am exhausted and I still have HEAPS of work to do. I feel like I might be getting a urinary track infection. I hopefully will have a better day tomorrow and get to go have a decent nights sleep tonight.

Hopes and Dreams

So nothing super awesome has happened or is happening. I often think I should write about something that happened on my blog about 3 times a day but I don't because life seems to happen. Sometimes I feel like a big complainer so I don't post what I am thinking or how I am feeling. Well that may be the case today but I am posting this anyways.

I am sure I am not alone but I do feel a little weird admitting that I have a special box of baby things just waiting for a baby. I started the box back when I was in university. It started with the cutest baby pajamas ever. Well cute to me because I have always collected Hello Kitty. They were on sale for almost nothing so I didn't feel guilty. Then a friend got pregnant so I went shopping for a present for her. I found something I thought I liked but later found an outfit I liked better. So I kept the first outfit and added it the closet with the pajamas. Then my niece was born and other friends had babies. I was always convinced that I would have a baby shortly after getting married. I slowly just started adding things to my baby collection and now I have a box. From time to time I like to take it out of the closet and look at it.

A's baby shower is this week and I have been working on putting together her diaper cake. I have been very excited and not at all bothered by it until the other night. I started rolling up like 75 tiny newborn/infant diapers. At first I was all..." how tiny and cute are these!!!". Then about 18 in I was starting to feel a little jealous about how soon A would be putting these away in her nursery preparing for the baby to come home. Then as the rubber bands were hurting my fingers I just wanted to be done. I just wanted to put them back in the big box they came in but I got it finished.

The other "fun" part of the diaper cake is finding small baby items to "accessorize/decorate" the cake with. That saw me spending about 4 hours looking at different items like socks, hats, pacifiers, bottles, outfits and toys. I didn't really find anything I loved. Well I found LOTS of things I loved and was dying to add to my box. Truthfully, I found LOTS of things I loved and was dying to be PREGNANT. I think the best accomplishment is I didn't actually buy anything to add to my collection. In fact I turned to my collection to find the accessories I wanted. It is a little bitter sweet. I feel like I have been saving these items for ages and someone should be using them. But I still felt a little sad because I had bought those items for my little baby I was sure I would have by now.

I have been trying to focus on our home in all this as a means of distraction and because it has always been a dream. When buying our home we put a lot of thought into finding a house that would be able to accommodate the family we wanted. Even at the planning stage we always referred to bedroom 3 as the "baby's room". It currently holds random boxes and junk that doesn't get used everyday or ever (it really needs to be cleaned out). Today is the first time I have really hated that room. I found myself standing there slowly looking through my collection (to find the things I need for the cake) and looking around at this pathetic room. My heart just hurt. Hurt the most it has in a long time. Will this room ever be used as it was intend? Will I ever get to use my collection?

Today I am just going to be sad and let it be okay to be sad. Hopefully, in a few short weeks we will be back on our way. I know it will happen when it's supposed to happen but can't it "suppose" to happen quicker?

My cat is whiny

I feel like I should be blogging but I don't really have anything awesome tell about. So here is a short list of randomness.

1. Sim's police check came this week. Yeaaaaaa. Now we can get underway when I get back.

2. And it goes on and on and on. It goes on and on and on...if you have been following for a while and are good at reading between the lines you know what goes on.

3. I am exhausted and my sinuses are still being buttheads.

4. I get to go to Costco tomorrow to buy stuff for A's baby shower.

Yeah, my list is pathetic. Hopefully I will have some wisdom to share or at least a funny story.