*** Long, boring and mildly infertility related***
YEAAAA! I am in the United States!!!! It feels weird and amazing to be here. I love that I know my way around. I can eat at all my favorite restaurants. I can watch my favorite television shows that aren't 3 months or more behind. There are no words to express my feelings at being able to shop at familiar stores with reasonable prices. It feels weird to do all the things that I used to do when I lived here. It feels like it's been forever since I have had lunch with my mom and then like I never left all at the same time. Today, my momma and I hit the garage sales. I am sucker for books. Children's books, professional development books, and of course those that I read for enjoyment. As we were driving around all I could think about is the life I had planned out for myself. Since I was little I had a clear dream. I wanted to be a stay at home momma of 2. I wanted a gorgeous house with a massive backyard for my kids to play in. I wanted a loving husband with a great job (so I could stay at home). I wanted to drive around in a Jeep Grand Cherokee, have lunch with friends, and a great wardrobe! To be honest it hasn't changed...just the location...and I am pretty sure I won't be a stay at home momma past the first year...and I don't have children yet.
So anyway as we were driving around all I could really think about is how happy are these people living in these huge gorgeous houses. I wondered how many are worried about someone losing their jobs or even their house. How many are continuing to live above their means to keep up appearances? I know I have spent my fair amount of time on the internet looking at what other people have and being completely jealous. But maybe I am better off? I don't really know. I haven't given up on my dream. Not one little bit. I think it is what drives me forward to continue to earn and work hard to achieve it.
I love being with my momma!!! I don't think I know how much I miss here until I am back here. Just to be able to talk when ever and she is my shoppin' buddy. She is not a massive fan of shopping but she enjoys going with me. The best part is I finally feel her complete support when it comes to infertility. In the past she has always said it doesn't matter if she doesn't have grandchildren (not in a mean way) and how heartbreaking children can be. I know she was trying point out the possible benefits if we didn't end up having children but at one time I actually stopped trying because I didn't feel the support. Well, it's completely different now.
Since being back in the states I just have this feeling that it will happen and soon! I honestly hope this feeling lasts and it doesn't come back to bite me in the uterus! I don't know if I feel that way because my mom is being supportive or just because. I had planned to add to my secret stash of baby stuff but I didn't really want to tell her or my family about it. I started out just kinda secretly looking at baby stuff while we were out but she is completely supportive of me. She even bought me pregnancy tests to bring back to Australia with me (she gets how freaking expensive everything is!)!!
I just want to grow my family so badly. I am very grateful for the things I do have. I have a loving husband. A beautiful house that is on it's way to completion. A (crazy) supportive, loving family. A job I love. Our health. My fabulous baby kitten. Wonderful friends.
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