Babies Are Priceless

I am exhausted. I went into work today to begin getting everything ready for the first day of school on Friday. I completely forgot how tiring it is. My back hurts. My shoulders hurt. My arms hurt. And oddly my left heel hurts. But what hurts the most are the boobs. They don't particularly enjoy when Lucky decides to stand on them or walk across them.

I am still spot free and have been experiencing lots of little twinges. I'm really hoping this is a good sign. I am still not sure how confident I am. I want to be 1,000% sure and confident but I am afraid. I am still worried that I don't have lots of "early" symptoms like last time. My new friend cervical mucus has left the building. I am still worried about getting my hopes up. The other thing is a lot of people tend to know about this cycle so I potentially have to tell half a million people it failed. I really don't want to do that.

Yesterday, I fully indulged in baby obsessing. I allowed myself to "window" shop for baby products like car seats, strollers, bottles, and cribs. I also did some research on which of those products is the safest etc. It just totally reconfirmed how expensive those little miracles are. And now because I read 25,000 reviews and safety information, I won't be able to go back to just any old car seat. It has to be the highly expensive one and we most likely need two because heaven forbid Simon not have a car seat in his car. Basically, I began to lose my tiny mind about something that currently is an issue. Please tell me someone, anyone!, has done the same thing.

P.S. I can't afford a giveaway and I have no idea what I would give away but I thought I might try something for fun. I took a picture of my AWESOMELY bloated stomach last Friday after my IUI. I have been hmm-ing and ha-ing if I should post it. Leave me a comment and let me know what you think.

Let the 2 Week Wait Began...

Yesterday at 12 pm the doctor performed our IUI. It went amazing well. Our confidence was really high.

1. The head doctor preformed our IUI.

2. We were in a different room (yes, mildly superstitious)

3. IT DIDN'T HURT!!!!!!!

4. Simon had a great count. This has never been an issue for us THANK GOD!

5. The bed tilted back so I didn't have to support myself.

6. No spotting and only light cramping last night.

The very strange thing was that the doctor said everything looked perfect. He didn't mention a tilted cervix. So we are wondering if it untilted itself? Can that even happen?

But I wouldn't be certifiably crazy if my confidence wasn't starting to shake today. The reason, aside for just normal infertile craziness, is my symptoms don't seem to be as pronounced last time. The girls are still swollen and EXTREMELY sensitive. Last time it got worse and worse each day until the symptoms vanished about 10 days past the IUI. I am sorta glad they are no worse today than yesterday. Last night I was extremely bloated. I didn't own a single pair of pants that would fit my tummy. This made going out to dinner darn near impossible. I did manage to find a black pair of capris (pj bottoms) that I could get away with.

Hopefully, the boys have penetrated the castle walls by now and are getting ready to stick like cement to the uterus.

2 Weeks Of My Life In Pictures (Or Excerpts Of)

One of the things I love about my hubby is that he is just as goofy as me. In the process of cleaning up our guest room he came across the AWESOME sock monkey hat my mom got me for Christmas. So naturally he felt the need to put it on and come show me. I love that he makes me laugh at unexpected times.Simon finally broke down and got glasses. He isn't sure about how he looks in them. I think he looks nice. Of course he never smiles nicely for pictures but I am amazed I got a picture (even from a bad angle).

Normally, Sim and I have our friends over to our house to have dinner, play cards, and drink every other month or so but we haven't had a chance because of Christmas and Anna having the baby. We (the ladies) decided that we better meet up for lunch before school goes back.

On Wednesday, my friends Sharon (and the kiddos), Amanda, and I went over to Anna's house for lunch. I really had a great time. I got to hear all about Amanda and her honey getting engaged while they were in China. They are planning a wedding in SRI LANKA!!! We caught up on school gossip and I heard mommy horror stories. Did you know that babies cry for a month straight for no apparent reason and there is nothing you can do about it?! Seriously, apparently all babies do this and it's normal!!! I was freaking out, but holding this little cutie made it all go away. I couldn't help but giggle that her hair was standing on end.

CHEESE!

My Favorite Girls!

This what an 11 year old does in a house full of women!

Sharon and I have a tradition where we go to Costco during the breaks from school. It works out well for the both of us because I don't drive into the city and I feel like I am making good use of our membership. The kids LOVE coming, too! Between the giant (piled to the ceiling) stack of toilet paper and free food sample what's not to love?

By far the best part is all four of us eat lunch for under $20 which isn't even possible at McDonald's here. The first time we went I had to explain to Mitchell how big the pizza slices are. Sim struggles to eat the whole thing at times. He is always determined to eat the whole slice. We always have fun guessing what Zoe will pick to eat because she never likes it and won't eat more than two bites.

So for Mitchell's birthday he wanted to have lunch at Costco. I was extremely impressed when he ate his whole slice and about a third of Zoe's. His new nickname is Seagull because you can hardly finish your food before he wants what is left.

The cheeky and gorgeous Miss Z.

Photographic proof of the craziness from last week. I was so unorganized that I bought the wrapping paper on the way to Sharon's house and wrapped Mitchell's present on the trunk of my car.

My cat, Lucky, loves me and to be anywhere I am. He often feels the need to help me complete any household chore I am doing. And like all cats he enjoys sitting in locations he shouldn't be in.

What?! This is an inconvenient place to stand?

What you just wash, dried, and ironed these clothes?

Then, yes, I am required to sleep there and put cat hair all over them.

Happy Australia Day to my Australian friends and family! I am celebrating by having my own Katherine Heigl movie marathon... Knocked Up, Life As We Know It, 27 Dresses and the Ugly Truth!

P.S. The awesome side effects from triggering have started. Namely my boobs are LARGE and in charge! And seriously tender!!!!!!!!!!

The Internet Strikes Back!

Remember those up and downs I was worried about? I think it's very safe to say I am plummeting down the first dip in the roller coaster ride. For the past 2-3 days I have been really worried about ovulating early. Today the fear of early ovulation is pretty much eating me alive. Now I am worried that tomorrows IUI is totally for nothing.

I also was reading through my paperwork again to try and figure out my schedule for the next few weeks with school starting. They said they trigger when follicle size is larger than 14mm. That got me to thinking what sizes did other people trigger at. Now I don't feel confident about my eggs now. Everyone else in the states seems to have like 17 eggs and they are all bigger than my two 15's. It seriously makes me want to cry. So now I am worried about ovulating early and my follicle size.

I just had vent my fears but I do plan on posting (with pictures) of what I have been up to later tonight.

The countdown begins...

I am very excited to announce that last night was my last injection of Puregon. I trigger tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yesterday, Leith measured 2 follicles at 15 (one on each side) and 1 that was hiding that we couldn't really measure but was looking pretty big.

Australia Day is completely messing with everything. If they were open on Thursday I would have triggered last night and we would inseminate on Thursday. I am still a little concerned that the hiding egg will develop and I will end up with the triplets everyone keeps talking about.

We have also decided that we (Sim and I) are going to let ourselves be excited and get our hopes up. Apparently, hopes up or down it doesn't really matter if you fail in the end because it still hurts just as badly. I am just so tired of thinking "Don't get your hopes up!". I am sure there will be plenty of times during the two week wait that where I feel it didn't work. I still definitely scared after what happened last time but if I want to think about my future baby than I am going to DAMN IT!

I also got the definitive answer to my question that yes you can ovulate before you trigger. So I shall just add it to the list of worries next time.

I have lost my tiny mind AGAIN!

Lots has been happening at our house but I wouldn't say it was good. Apparently, my fears were founded. On Friday my scan revealed that my eggs had gone from dots to spots but nothing measurable.

Can I just tell you how this completely messes with my perfect plan? I was hoping that today or tomorrow we would have been completing the procedure and beginning the two week wait. Then I could have all my blood tests before kids came back to school. But we aren't.

But it has made way for brand new host of fears. Topping the list by a mile is over stimulation. I can't even begin to cope with the fact that I would have spent $700 plus medication plus gas money to lose it all. On top of the fact that every appointment I seem to mention my GIANT fear of over stimulation.

Now I go back on Tuesday and obviously I am hoping we can trigger that night. Here is where the next fear enters in. Thursday is a public holiday (stupid dumb Australia Day). We don't know if they will be open. If they are closed than I am screwed. Then I am sure that we will scan and find NOTHING happened. Can you see the cycle of crazy happening?

Finally, my last fear is that I have already ovulated. I don't know if I even could have. I am sure I will spend the next several hours on the computer looking it up on google instead of finishing my laundry. Naturally I could just have a bunch of sex to make sure but it's never that simple. For starters, Sim needs to store up his boys for at least 2 days but not more than 5 days. So if we do the procedure on Thursday than that means Sim would have to do something today. But he is currently away on a business trip. Just even rethinking all this makes me NUTS.

Another Lame Post

It’s been a heck of a past 24 hours here. Yesterday afternoon, I came home to make dinner only to discover 10s of thousands of ants streaming into my kitchen from my laundry room. They were absolutely everywhere and in everything. We stopped cleaning at 11 pm last night and it still wasn’t complete.

It’s been a very busy day at our house. I am still determined to get all the laundry done by Saturday but it’s starting to look more like Sunday. I have mopped the laundry floor twice to continue getting the chemicals up that my father in law sprayed. I finally broke down and went grocery shopping so we can eat a meal that isn’t cereal or grilled cheese.

On the infertility front, I am a lot worried for tomorrow’s bloods and scan. I was looking at my chart from last cycle and if I follow the same pattern then we are getting really close. Last cycle I injected 100 IU for 7 days and then 125 IUs for 5 days before triggering. Well I have already done the 100 IUs and I am on day 3 of 125 IUs. So naturally, I am completely worried that I either over stimulated or nothing is happening. Because let’s face it I am completely nuts!

On a totally different note, what the heck is with the mullet dresses or skirts. Every time I see one all I can think is “these fools have capes on for skirts”. I guess I never been considered fashion forward but I don’t think that can be considered fashion either.

The Ants Go Marching

I came home from being out all day long to find 10s of thousands of ants literally invading my kitchen. They were EVERYWHERE!!! Even found them in cabinets and the dishwasher. After 4 hours I have finally cleaned 97% of the kitchen up. I am in pain and out of my tiny mind. I shall fill you all in later.

Extender Seat Belt for the Crazy Town Bus

Here is how I planned today to go...

7:30 am - Get up and get ready to go to the clinic

8:30 am- Leave for the clinic

9:30 am- Scan and blood test

10:45 am - Drop Sim off at work

11:15 am - Swim

12:15 pm- Shower and eat lunch

12:45 pm- Make cupcakes for Mitchell's birthday tomorrow

ME TIME!! (probably take a nap)

5:00 pm- Eat something before Pilates

5:40 pm- Leave for Pilates

6:15-7:45 pm Pilates

8:00- Pick up Simon from work and head home

This is how it went

7:30 am -Get up and get ready to go to the clinic

8:30 am- Leave for the clinic

9:30 am- Get to the clinic and rush to the bathroom because I have drank lots of water so they can actually get the blood out of my body (I made the top 5!)

9:35- Scan

9:45- NEW PLANS!!! Rush to Slade Pharmacy in the hospital in the city.

10:25- Fight for parking in the city and rush into the pharmacy-more on that in a moment

11:15- Drop Simon off at work and head back to the clinic

12:15- Stop at the clinic for 30 seconds

12:16- Head home

12:17- USA FOODS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2:30- Return home.

Everything was going really well until my appointment. The scan showed lots of little eggs but nothing special or measurable. The scan also really friggin' hurt! It definitely felt like more than just a fairy princess wand was being shoved up there and waved around. The best news is I didn't spot post scan. Thank goodness for tiny miracles.

Then Leith told me that I would have to go get my Puregon from the pharmacy and it would probably take a day or two to get it ordered in. WHAT THE FUCK?! I pretty much lost my shit on the spot and was completely speechless. Then she asked me how much I had left. NONE! NADA! NIL! So she assured me that Slade Pharmacy in the city would have some. I was panicking and Simon figured out the directions.

We dashed (drove forever!) into the city to the hospital and drove around forever trying to find a spot to park. We handed over the script and waited and waited. Then they dropped the bomb on us. THEY DIDN'T HAVE ANY PUREGON!!!!! This lead to a lot of confusion and debate between the pharmacist, Sim and I. We were at a hospital. How could they not even have one friggin' dose for tonight??? Well they don't. And to top it off the trigger medication is backordered until MARCH!!!!! I just wanted to cry because at this point this cycle is looking like a bust.

What happened next was really, really ugly. Simon started to get frustrated (his words not mine). He wanted me to start ringing around the city to different pharmacies to see if I could locate the drugs. I was fine with that but I wanted to talk to Leith first because she had said most places don't carry it and sent us here. Of course that went to voicemail. At this point Simon is expressing his "frustration" by growling at me and saying " We are wasting our time here! Let's go!!!" in the middle of a busy pharmacy. The lady still had my prescription and medical card (can't leave those) and she was trying to order the Puregon. Simon pretty much lost his shit and continued to carry on. Even resulting in him throwing money at me. It was ugly.

I resigned to the fact that I wasn't going to be able to take any medication until tomorrow and this cycle was pretty much screwed. I was ready to cry and feeling EXTREMELY low. I needed Simon to step up and be comforting. NOT BE AN ASSHOLE! Then he is all angry that they didn't tell us earlier so we could order the medication (I agree) but yelling at me isn't going to solve the problem. I called Leith again and explained the situation. By the grace of God, she had one unopened 300 IU left and when could I get there? We quickly drove Simon back to work and I headed back to the clinic (45 minutes away).

I was all ready to head home to cry and sleep. Then I remember how I handle stress. Do you know what the opposite of stressed is? If you said relaxed you are wrong. Desserts is the opposite of stressed. I simply adore eating my emotions. All I wanted more than anything was American comfort food. I was very luck to be 7 minutes away from the American grocery store. They didn't have everything I wanted but they had enough. I got my chocolate cake, Dr. Pepper and marshmallows for s'mores. Basically between bloating and eating my emotions my butt is going to grow enough to require me to buy new pants.

So I am half way through the day and only imagine what the second half of my day will hold. I better go take a nap to power up for the second half.

Office of the Department of Missing Socks

I really don't know if forgetfulness is an actual side effect of Puregon but from this moment on I officially declare it a side effect. I had full intentions of coming back last night to write the other half of wardrobe meltdown but I didn't. I totally thought I would remember today but I don't!! This is starting to get super annoying. BEYOND annoying!!! And I am without a doubt sure you are tired of listening to me complain about forgetting things.

I will start with my infertility news because I am sure that is far more exciting than the rest of this post will be. Tonight marks 7 days of injections which means we go in tomorrow for blood tests and scans to see what the heck is happen in the old ovaries. I am really really worried in typical panicky fashion. Here are the top three things I worry about:

1. NOTHING is happening and I have just wasted 7 days (this happened last time)

2. LOTS has happened and I am completely overstimulated and we have to cancel this cycle. There would be no words for the devastation I would feel. I would most like grab a bottle of my favorite alcohol and disappear for a while.

3. That this amount of Puregon was enough to grow an egg or eggs. Then my body kicked in naturally and I ovulated already without having sex. Where this comes from I am not totally sure. My guess is all that crap about cervical mucus. I should totally go on record that I only bought into the cervical mucus crap for about a week. I am too grossed out by it! But I can definitely tell when I am feeling a little dry (WITHOUT CHECKING!!!)

Needless to say I am definitely worried about tomorrow. I am don't know if there is a good news scenario tomorrow. The best news would be if we triggered tomorrow night. Then I could try and get through the two week wait before school starts. Wait that isn't a good news scenario because if it fails or I get the period from hell again...not a great way to start the new school year. This is all so complicated.

The night before we had dinner at my in laws. Alana my gorgeous future sister in law made us all dinner. Her and Mick (BIL) got a puppy and named him Bob. Mick wanted to name their future son Bob and Alana said I will compromise and name the dog Bob. I think she made a good call. We started talking about baby names and how both of us had girl's names picked out but were completely stumped over boys names.

So yesterday my resolve broke and I gave into baby fever. I started thinking about how we can never really settle on middle names. I decided to google middle names and stumbled across the baby name genie. I have never laughed so hard in a long, long time. You put in your last name and it "grants" your wish for the perfect name for your baby. Here are some of the perfect names we will not be naming our child: Shelby Dominique, Shreya Brook, Tanya Jenna, Candance Vivian, Dylan Presely...etc. I think some of these names are really pretty by themselves or with a different name. They also DON'T go with our last name. If you really want a good giggle head on over. I should also say it did come up with a couple of good ones. I am not totally opposed to Catherine Sarah.

In regular life news, I have finally caught the "get my crap done!" bug. It most likely stems from what I saw yesterday afternoon when I got home from the pool. My husband decided he would lend a hand by cleaning up our bathroom for me. I have learned that if my husband is going to clean NEVER criticize. Criticizing wasn't so much the problem versus laughing. Husband logic says that if the floors are made of tile and I mop it than I can also mop the shower because it is made of tiles. That is exactly what he was doing when I came in. Mopping our shower with my exfoliation soap (I wasn't even going to ask).

I am beyond determined to not have a single item of clothing out of place by Saturday. That is my mission today and all of this week. I want to get everything clean, iron, folded or hung, dry cleaned, organized, and sorted. I had to spend 10-15 minutes today hunting every square inch of my house looking for missing socks. Socks are the bane of my laundry existence! It seems that even though they are worn in pairs they NEVER all come out the dryer in pairs. No, I don't think the dryer eats them. The problem is they NEVER make it to the washer in pairs. One always seems to get shoved under the bed, wrapped in a towel or left in a gym bag. To me NOTHING is more annoying than thinking you have washed all the jammies, undies, and socks only to find one you missed!

Even better is the Golden Globes are on!!! I love watching award shows...I always have even as a small child. It's always so glamorous and I love trying to predict who will win. Especially in Australia, it helps (or sometimes makes it worse) my homesickness. I feel like I can still be part of something I always used to do.

Just a quick note...I so want to start including more pictures in my post. Just as soon as I get new batteries for my camera.

Wardrobe meltdown part one

I have had a pretty busy weekend. Well, the busiest it has been before Christmas and for me.

Yesterday, Sim and I were invited to Julia's Christening. Julia is my friend Anna's ADORABLE little girl. They're Russian Orthodox which was a experience to behold. I knew from their wedding that they do everything in threes which makes the service a little long and you stand for the entire thing. Julia was such a good girl. She hardly cried at all until they "slam dunked" her in the baptismal "pond. After they stripped her down, the Priest took her and laid her face down with her head in his palm and body along his arm. Then they dunked her whole body 3 times head first into the pond.

Simon didn't up going because of a diva moment. Getting ready at our house is always an epic battle. For the amount of clothing we have, finding an appropriate outfit shouldn't be a problem. Sadly, about 50% of the time one of us has a major wardrobe problem.

I was hoping we would have warm weather this weekend and Simon could wear his nice dress shorts. I was under the impression that he had nice dress pants as well but apparently he doesn't. Instead he wanted to wear his suit pants and I thought that would be way too dressy. So he put on his brand new Tommy Hilfiger polo and dress shorts.

When we pulled up to the church all the other guys were in suit pants and nice shirts. Simon threw a massive fit. Going on about how he was underdressed and it was all my fault. And how he really wanted to go but now he was going to miss it. Oh and it's all my fault because I made him wear shorts. In the end he went home and I went inside with my friend Sharon and her kids.

After the Christening, Sim came and got me because we had to go to his friend's 30th birthday party. She was having in the park near our house which was very good for us. The weather had gotten even colder and the wind picked up so we dashed home for a quick wardrobe change. The weather got even worse and we didn't stay more than 2 hours which was fine by me. We ended up going over to Simon's parent's house and the future sister in law made us all dinner.

I feel like there has been lots of other things I have been wanting to write about but keep forgetting. Don't you just hate when that happens? Oh well!

Elastic waistbands-CHECK!

Nothing exciting happened today. I still haven't found my groove to organize the rest of my house and my summer vacation is quickly disappearing so I had probably get my butt in gear.

I think I am starting to have some side effects from the Puregon. I am still having crazy dreams. Last night I dreamt about my assistant principal putting two 6th grade boys into my first grad class because they are butt heads (actually they are worse than butt heads but I am trying to be nice).

Other side effect seems to be bloating. Today was pretty cold here and I needed to wear jeans. I had to suck it in when I put them on and I had muffin top for the first hour or so of wearing them. I guess this means I am getting back in pool.

Is forgetfulness a side effect? Last night Sim was yelling at me to roll over because I was snoring and I realized I didn't inject myself. HOLY COW!!! Two nights in a row. He also called and asked if I could pick up his prescription from the pharmacy. I totally forgot. We had just gotten home for going out to dinner and I had to turn around and go out again. I hate that!! Luckily, I remembered to stab myself tonight. I say stab because tonight it HURT and I bleed. Now I remember why I didn't use to be so excited.

This is a weird week where there was a full moon and Friday the 13th all in the same week. I don't normally buy into that sort of thing but I have a cat and teach small children. My cat has been on a rampage lately. Today he decided that he would eat an invitation. Every time I yelled at him to stop he gave me that "come and take it from me! I dare you!" look.

So that is my exciting life today. Pretty lame huh?

Random Tales From A Scrambled Mind

Sweet baby Jesus! It would be great if I could write a complete sentence today. So I shall just randomly write. Good luck and happy reading!! Let's see....

First, I got the go ahead yesterday to start Puregon again. We are starting at 100 IU (for those interested) and I was a little worried about over stimulation but Susan assured me that it took 100 IU to start the party last time. Because I had pilates last night I almost forget to inject myself which is really silly because I was all excited to start.

I think one injection is also a little too quickly to be having side effects ( I am not sure it's even a side effect). I had a very strange dream last night and I woke up remembering it very vividly. What makes it so strange is that it was all about me trying to have sex with an ex-boyfriend (from high school) that I never had sex with and don't think I ever really found him sexually attractive. He was more like a big brother to me. *Insert strange shiver here*

In addition to have PCOS, I also have lower back problems (L5 S1/R5 S1). Last year I started pilates at the recommendation of my doctor. Pilates is hands down my favorite form of exercise. Where else can you lie on your back for 45 minutes, barely break a sweat, and actually tone your muscles? She also told me that my body (aka my back specifically) wasn't ready to support a pregnancy. All I could think was "That's not cool!".

So I told you all that to tell you that I have started swimming. My back has been really sore lately and weightless feeling of water makes it feel AMAZING!!!! I also thought swimming could also help combat the weight I seem to put on when I start injections. But this afternoon swimming seems like a really really REALLY bad idea. The chorine smell is basically giving me a migraine despite the fact that I showered and washed my suit, towel, t-shirt etc.. We shall see if I go tomorrow.

Well done if you made this far! I have to go watch Big Bang Theory now.

Infertility Stocktake Day

Where to start? Today I felt like I really accomplished things but now that I think about it I didn't accomplish as much as I hoped to. Oh well, I am not raining on my parade today.

This morning started with blowing the dust off my infertility items:

Pregnyl Pen-CHECK!

Sharp pointy needles-CHECK!

Alcohol swaps-CHECK!

Sharps container-CHECK!

Pregnyl- (will get at appointment)-

Ice pack-harding up in the freezer-CHECK!

Cute bandaids in case I bleed-

There are no words for the awesomeness I feel today!!! I called the clinic this morning. They were all like "Sure come on in today! Let's get this party started!!". I am sure I can not say it enough but I love the ladies that look after me. The good news is nothing has taken up residence in my uterus that shouldn't be there. My ovaries looked relatively normal I dare say. I didn't see a lot of cysts and I don't think Susan did either because she didn't say so. I have to call tomorrow afternoon to get the results of my blood test and as along as everything is AOK, we will start injections! I don't think I have ever been this happy to jam needles into my abdomen before, and I am not 100% sure that's entirely healthy.

~Other non-infertility things I managed to achieve today~

We keep a box full of our bills and important papers. I try to keep it organized by month and then condense at the end of the year into a yearly folder. Lately everything has just been thrown in the box rather than in the folders. Simon also likes to put the envelops (and all that junk that comes in them) in with the bills/important papers. So I managed to sort out the crap from the stuff we need to keep. Tomorrow I am hoping to condense down the year. The bummer is my shredder broke so I will have to shred 2006 at work.

I finally managed to get to the insurance company and claim my osteopath and baby bills. They are annoyingly open from 9-5 Monday to Friday.

And I'm continuing to chip away at the mountain of laundry that has swallowed up my clothes hamper. Now the problem is folding, ironing, and putting all the clean clothes away (instead of covering the guest bed).

Ugh!

I wish I had something awesome to write but that would mean I had to be awake for more than 3 hours in a row. I am sick. I feel like the Terminator is/was trying to escape my sinuses via my right eyeball. My throat has been hurting and obvious tiredness. At first I tried to spin it into a positive...could these be symptoms of pregnancy?? Oh HELLLL NO! I am just sick. Such is life but I am very excited that today is Sunday and tomorrow the clinic starts up again.

Today is brought you by the letter I for immaturity

Apparently I have the maturity level of a ten year old today or these legitimate products and company really unfortunate names. Here are just a few the things I saw today that made me giggle.

We decided to get out of the house today and go visit Costco and Ikea. Two places where you can walk in needing one item and spend $300. Luckily, I was able to limit the impulse shopping. And the even better news is that I didn't focus on being pregnant. YEA!

Our Reputation is Building.

Enough!

Today has been another roller coaster of emotions. Not the high and low kind. The bad and worst kind. Anger, frustration and depression have been the main spectrum of emotions today.

I have been trying to get on top of the laundry situation but last night disaster struck. We discovered something had fallen down between the laundry tub and the back of the washing machine. It created one all mighty mess for me to clean up today. Moments after the washing machine disaster, I found ants crawling all over everything in our pantry. We don't have open food or anything like that in there so I have no idea why they are in there. But now I have to deal with that.

When we moved into this house I promised myself that I would keep it in tip top condition. EPIC FAIL! Now I am just angry at myself for letting this happen. I know I will be on a mission these next couple of weeks to get everything back up to my standard. Simon took this week off to try and do projects around the house with me but all that he has managed is to piss me off. He literally sits on the couch or in a chair and watches basketball or cricket all damn day long. Now I completely understand that we had 2 days of hotter than the fires of hell weather. But today??!!! I can't wait for him to go back to work so I can achieve something.

If I had baby on the brain yesterday, then I don't know what to call today. It's been even more intense today. I'm just so frustrated. For once in my life I just wish I had a normal period like everyone else. I wish I knew how long my cycle was or even know that I ovulated every month. I thought taking December off would be a good thing and the wait didn't seem that long. News flash for me!!!! Waiting to start the next round of IUI is even worse than the two week wait! At least during the two week wait I felt like there was a purpose to my waiting.

One thing I have been totally loving is sleeping in. I think sleeping in one thing I look forward to the most. Thank you summer vacation. However, right now it's leaving me lots of time to surf the internet. So much that I managed to get bored on pinterest (who knew that could happen?!). And thanks to Pinterest I feel like the most inadequate woman particularly in the organization/decoration department. Now I have to keep up with the Joness, the Smiths, the Collins etc.

One summer in college I stayed alone in our apartment basically to hold it for the next year and because I had summer classes. I found myself spending a lot of time on the internet because I was bored out of my mind. One day I decided that I was just going to go for a walk. It was a good way to pass the time. Eventually, one walk lead to two walks. Two walks lead to a longer walk. A longer walk lead to one long walk in the morning and a long walk in the afternoon. I never really lost lots of weight (F**K You PCOS) but I enjoyed it.

The feeling struck again today. The lethal combination of baby on the brain and enormous amounts of time only result in me reading infertility blogs. I know I have said it all before so I won't put you through the pain of hearing me say it again. The good news is I finally had enough of that too. I decided that instead of sitting here being depressed over what I can't force to happen, I was getting the hell out of the house. The only bad part is I didn't really have the positive feelings at the end like I use to. However, I am not sure I am suppose to expect magic after a 40 minute walk. I am going to make a commitment to myself to give it 21 days. If I can't have a baby than I can at least fit into the wardrobe I love!

Hot! Hot! HOT!

It is freaking hot today! The kind of hot where you even hate to put clothes on. I have pretty much spent my day lying on the bed with the fan blowing on me. Eventually, I sought out the air conditioning of the mall because I was melting (and a little bored). Apparently, I wasn't the only one with that thought because I think it was pregnant lady day at the mall as well.

I have also had baby on the brain today. At lunch today I said to Simon that I was excited to get started again. Then he said wouldn't be funny if we managed to get pregnant on New Years. Well, that was the opening of the flood gate because then I began to mentally calculate the possibility and I wondered about starting the next IUI and would we have to wait.

Then a very familiar feeling began working it's way into my head. It's the magnetic pull towards the home pregnancy tests. A tiny little voice in your head that compels you to pee on sticks in the tiny hope that you are pregnant. Never mind the fact that today is the 3rd of January. I have actually managed to resist the urge today because I know there is no pregnancy test in the world that will show me being 2 days pregnant even if I wasn't awesomely infertile! It also helps not have any in the house. Pretty soon I will need to join a 12 step program. Hi, my name is Valerie and I pee on home pregnancy tests.

2011 in Pictures!

Just for giggles I thought I would look through my pictures I have from 2011 on my computer. Then I thought I rarely post pictures on my blog so for fun I thought I would try and post a picture or two from the year that was. I am not sure what I was thinking. I don't have pictures from every month and it just took me a little over 2 hours to get all the pictures uploaded. Anywho, enjoy or not, it's up to you!

January

Trip with my mom to Tasmania

February

I came home one night to "look what I can do!". The one hand cat hold.

June

Girls weekend away in Ocean Grove.

July

Simon wins tickets to Rock of Ages Comedy Musical.

September

Shopping until we (momma and I) drop (or I was out of money) in the good ole USA!

Corn Maze!

October

Meeting up with baby Amelia (for the first time) and Katie.

Celebrating our good friends' 40th and 50th (90th!) birthdays!

November

Spring Racing Carnival Flemington!

Still hate this picture!

December

New Years Eve- Southbank riverside

P.S. 7 days on the baby making countdown!