How low can you go?

So I am not really low but I do feel like I am in limbo right now. I don't really feel completely sane but I am not losing my tiny mind completely either. It was a pretty good weekend as weekends go. I kept my internet obsession to an acceptable level and my house is on the clean side. I guess there really isn't much to do until all the police check stuff comes back.

This past Wednesday we attended a funeral for an extended family member. I got to witness a different type of infertility (I guess you would call it that). Simon has 4 cousins. 3 are married and 2 have children. At every family gathering James runs around and plays with his nephews. Well at the funeral he was holding is 2 month old niece and showing her off. You couldn't miss his desire to have children if had a t-shirt with it written on the front and back. His wife doesn't want children ever.

Now I am guessing those are the sorts of things you iron out before marriage (at least we did) and I don't know the agreement they came to, but my heart complete hurt for him. We might never have our own children because we can't. But James will never have his own children because his wife refuses to. I am not sure I could imagine the pain of that. At least in all of this Sim and I are in this together. We can turn to each other for support and comfort. We can feel each other's frustrations. James is all alone in wanting something his wife CLEARLY never desires to have.

So while I wait I am trying to hold tight to my serenity prayer....

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change"...the time it takes to complete the stupid f***ing police checks..."courage to change the things I can"...my attitude, the fitness of my body, to stop peeing on pregnancy tests..."and the wisdom to know the difference."