Sunday's Reflections

So this will have pretty much next to nothing to do about infertility until the end. So if you are someone other than me and could careless about my reflections scroll to the end of the post.

Last night, I stayed up really late watching Easter Parade which Simon was asleep. It's a really old movie with Judy Garland. I used to watch it all the time when I was little. My grandma or grandpa and I would sit on the couch and sing along. Sometimes I would watch them by myself and dance along. It was very comforting to watch it last night but I did get a little teary at the end when they sing the easter bonnet song because my grandpa used to sing it to me all the time. I can still hear his voice.

Today is a beautiful spring day. Simon washed the outdoor patio furniture. I was able to put sweaters out on towels in the sun to lay flat and dry. I tried out my new mircofiber mop. It's insane how in love with it I am. It comes second only to my Dyson vacuum cleaner which I have an unhealthy obsession with. Anyways Simon suggested we go to the cafe to get lunch and I was more than okay with it.

As we were driving to the cafe, I started to remember the years before when we would drive up here (being the country) and look at all the model house. I would dream of the day when we would live up here in a beautiful new house of our own. Then eventually we would drive home and I would be sad. I would read people's blogs about building their houses and dream about my own. There was even a time when I thought we would never be able to have our own home let alone one of the model houses. Then one day when I had had enough we met with the bank manager. I impulsively put down $1,000 on lot 633 and it all started happening. Dream come true.

I guess/hope this will be the case with babies. We have been planning and dreaming about babies for a long time now. I feel like we are waiting for the universe to align like it did with the house. I am hoping that IUI is the equivalent of impulsively buying land. Honestly it feels just as scary. With the house I was wondering if we could afford it and was it the right thing to do. In fact I almost backed out of the deal. It's sorta how I feel about having a baby. I am scared if we can afford it and is it the right time, but the dream/want/desire to have a family of our own completely overshadows it. I know that when we finally do have a baby it will still be a little scary but we will adjust. Then when the baby is almost two I will have a random thought one day about dreaming of a baby and the pain I went through and it will all the sudden make sense. At least that is what I am hoping will happen.

In the mean time here is my baby waiting to attack any feet that happen to wander by. You might not have notice him hiding under the sweatshirt and stepstool.