The meaning of infertility

Between last night and this morning I have found a way to turn a horrible situation (infertility) into a terrific situation. I seriously think this could be the answer to all our infertility prayers. First, you might need a little background on what lead to this enlightened stage.

Last night as we were getting ready for bed, Simon began asking me if I had seen his car keys. The house was pretty clean and we still weren't able to find them. In fact they had been lost for a couple days now. If you read yesterday's post than you know the emotional temperature in the house. Simon started accusing me of having his keys as I stand there in a night gown with no pockets. Several narky comments were exchanged.

Then we were lying in bed and I was watching tv and he was on his iPhone (doing whatever the hell it is people do on iPhones). Well, there was nothing on tv so we put a dvd on. Our dvd player is stupid because you HAVE to use the remote. Where is the remote?

Simon: Where is the remote?

Me: I don't know.

Simon: You were the last one to watch a movie in here!

Me: Do you think I wouldn't give it to you if I had it?

Simon: (silence like he is afraid to say yes but really wants to)

Me: narky comment about where he could keep it from now on

Simon: returns narky comment about shoving it up my ....

Hallelujah!!!!!!! The clouds part and God bestows his blessings on me of my purpose in this infertile life!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: Well, I'll just start storing things in my unused vagina! That way we will never lose anything. It's way better than pockets. Since I can't keep a human being up there I might as well keep your keys and the remotes up there. They are smaller than a baby anyways. It's perfect!

Simon: Stunned silence.

Me 1 Simon 0

So that is it! My perfect solution to being an infertile I will just start hiding shit up my lady business like a kangaroo! I would never need to worry about someone stealing my wallet ever again or having my car keys drop to the bottomless abbess that is my handbag. Not to mention is a quick solution to outfits without pockets. It might mean wearing a lot of skirts but those are semantics.

I think I am going to reward my good thinking by taking a trip to the beach today. Our friends have a beach house and go down every year for the week between Christmas and News Years. They invited us down but Simon is working this week, so we planned on me going down by myself sometime this week. But I think today is a perfect day to go. Tomorrow is supposed to be a lot warmer than today but I have a spa appointment tomorrow afternoon... so today is as good as any.

Have a fantastic day!