On the second day after Christmas my true love gave to me...

Anger seems to be the emotion of the day. I am not sure where it came from or why but I certainly know who it's directed at. Today is not a good day to be the husband. As he says, "I can't do anything right today!". One of my main complaints is CLOSE THE F-ING DISHWASHER!!!! It's not hard or complicated. You simply bend over and lift the door as you straighten up. I thought perhaps he would like me to draw him a diagram. I thought wrong. So to prevent stabbing "the man I love" I went to the pool.

Seriously ready to kick someone's ass. I drove an hour round trip for NOTHING!!! I had dreams of swimming my anger away only to be greeted with a sign that said the pool was closed until the 30th of December. Hmmm do you think you MIGHT WANT TO PUT THAT ON YOUR WEBSITE??!!! I checked the website for their special CHRISTMAS hours but they couldn't put that little factoid up?

Somewhere between the pool and home I knew what I needed to do. Take down the Christmas tree. Normally, I don't take the tree down until a couple days after New Years and only than because I don't have heart shape ornaments to decorate for Valentine's Day. But I pointed my anger towards the tree. I swiftly took off all the ornaments not even waiting to get the boxes down from the high shelf in the garage. I just piled them up on the couch. I was tugging lights off branches before Simon inquired about what I was doing. I thought it was very clear. Apparently, he didn't understand why but he helped anyways. Somehow I feel a little better.

So tonight I thought I would indulge in a little infertility blog reading. BIG MISTAKE!!!!!!! It is just me or does everyone seem very black and white right now? Apparently lots of people have been successful. Yea to them! But this seems to bring up a little jealousness and hurry up January 9th so I can start again. It no longer seems to bring up the hope I used to get from reading others success stories. I secretly thinking I am looking for the magic formula that will get me pregnant.

The rest of the us out there (me included) seem to have failed this time around, and are in various stages of grief. I am pretty sure Christmas is not helping. What I don't get is what makes other people leave mean comments for someone? I haven't gotten any comments so I am not talking about me, but other blogs I visited. But even on my worst day I don't think I could say some the things these people have.

This leads to the BIG MISTAKE part. Is this what I might become? Will I become so angry and bitter and hurt that I will make horrible comments to another person I don't really know because they were successful? Will the sight of an ultrasound picture be grounds for declaring holy jihad? I sincerely hope not.

What I am actually feeling now is worried! I am very scared that I might not ever be pregnant. I am losing my confidence. I have this massive list of things I feel like I need to be doing yesterday. Acupuncture, fertility yoga, praying, charting (a non existent cycle) weight loss and more exercise etc. I am going to give up for tonight because the husband is making me angry again.

Our kitty LOVES his laser pointer! I am sure he would marry it if he could. Sim was playing with him (aka wear his little kitty britches out before bed) when Lucky ran over his foot trying to get to the red dot. He accidently scratched Simon's foot. I laughed because his reaction was funny and he chucked the toy at me. It dropped to the floor and broke! Now Lucky is pissed off too. He wants to finish playing and we have no laser pointer. What a bad, bad daddy!