Things are looking up!

Well, the best news is that I finally feel better. I'm still blowing my nose from time to time but I no longer feel like I am breathing through a snorkel or going to spew. Sim even agreed to return to our bed but I think we are both missing not having to share. Perhaps this was the event we needed to finally decide to buy a king size bed.

I sort of had a reality check this weekend. I don't know what caused it but I am very greatful for it!! Having a baby was not my first dream or obsession. My first dream was building my own house. Instead of reading blogs about infertility... I use to follow people's build. I was part of a message board about where topics included bricks, carpets and sinks! I had lists upon lists of things I would put in my house and how I would decorate it. We would visit display or model homes every other weekend. And much like now I would feel like my dream was just out of reach and we would never buy/build our first home.

Well we did end up building an awesome house that we both love! Is it the dream house I was dying to have? No, but it's an amazing 2nd choice. Ever since I was probably 18 all I wanted to do is decorate and paint MY OWN HOUSE (thanks HGTV and TLC). Sooo the question is why am I not doing this? We have lived in our house over a year and it's pretty much the same as the day we moved in. Ohhh yeah some dumb doctor told me to get a move on with the babies.

I guess this is turning into a really long post to say... I PAINTED!!! I have had most of the pieces for my guest room just sitting in the closet. It was the best feeling I've had in a long, long time. I just keep walking past the room and have to stare at the wall. Now I have to actually break out the sewing machine to make the pillow shams and hem the curtain fabric. I am really excited to keep going with the project. It will be our first finished room. And I am probably even going to paint an accent wall in the family and dinning room this next weekend.

The best news of all is I kept the ball rolling today. I put a lot of effort into teaching Grade 1. I know there are people out there who put in much more than I do. Well, I have a student teacher starting soon and parent teacher conferences coming up so I have to get my teaching act together. I was able to write learning plans and assessment profile for 6 students. Go me! I hate feeling stressed out so I rather do a little at a time than all at once.

The icing on the cake for me today was we had spontaneous, non-baby making sex for the first time in a lonnnngggg time. I seriously needed to feel wanted. I don't know if other people who are struggling with fertility issues have this problem, but every so often I get really angry at him. Blame it on the iPhone or hormones or whatever but I accuse him of cheating on me. I start to feel like he doesn't find me attractive because we spend evenings in other rooms. I feel fat and ugly. I become paranoid about every female contact on Facebook. If he works late or gets a text message at a weird time, I immediately think the worst. Eventually, I get over it and apologize. But the worst part of it all is that he never gets angry back. He totally understands I have lost my tiny mind.